Ack - why do we submit ourselves to the torture?

And by this, I'm referring to the joy we all face when we decide it's time to get...A NEW BATHING SUIT. Yes, I'm going to rant a bit about this, and I'm sure some, if not all of you, will understand why it's necessary to get this off my chest.

If I had a chest to get this rant off of, maybe the bathing suit shopping wouldn't be as traumatic. I am firmly entrenched in the "bigger boobs = less attention to flaws below the boobs" school of thought. Hence, if I was blessed with a bigger bust, then I'd maybe be able to draw some attention away from the ROLLS that seem to be determined to be viewed no matter what kind of suit I'm wearing. So...boobs would be nice.

Tankinis are the equivalent of a swimsuit designer practical joke. Seriously... Anyone who's ever tried on this type of suit that has even a slight belly knows what I'm talking about. The only ones that hide anything remotely belly-like, are the ones with the gigantic granny bottoms that come up to below the bust line - which, if you don't have boobs (LIKE ME), becomes very obvious to the unfortunate people who happen to be at whatever water venue prompted you to put on the suit in the first place.

One piece suits are okay, but the ones that would be decent enough to camoflauge the flaws are all in hideous prints that you'd never see in public. The other other option in this category are the suits that were designed for the stick woman who wants both her breasts and bum (both likely non-existant) on display for the whole world.

Bikinis - HA HA HA, very funny. Not even a category I'd venture a look at.

So there you have it. Went looking, left empty-handed with an even lower opinion of my physical self - not that it needed any lowering. I'll stick with the suit I've got, even though it's really too old by now - at least it covers what it's supposed to and doesn't OVER emphasize the fact that I'd sell my arms and legs to have a bigger chest and a skinnier torso...

Are we approaching the limit?

So, earlier today I had posted a rant about the fact that you couldn't take baby formula on airplanes, etc, etc, etc. My techno wizard Grandma emailed me to inform me that you can, in fact, take formula on the airplane, as well as containerized breast milk, prescription medication (assuming it's in a container marked with your name), insulin and other essential non-prescription medication - so my rant was foiled, at least in that sense. However, my comment below, still stands:

What if a grandparent wants to fly to see his grandchildren? If they’re required to travel out of country, it’ll cost a fortune for the travel insurance. If they’re traveling in the country, maybe that grandparent is required to be on oxygen? I would imagine the airline security people would have a problem with a “mysterious” tank, seeing as how I spoke to a woman only yesterday who was about 70 years old and had just flown from Chicago the morning after the announcement and was forced to leave behind a bottle of Chanel perfume (which retails for $80.00CAD for 1.7 oz) and two Chanel lipsticks (which cost $23.50 per tube) because they could be “liquid explosives”. Granted, an oxygen tank is deemed an essential medical device, but I can bet that if that elderly person wasn't Caucasian, there'd be a big fuss about letting him on-board.

What's next? Soon you'll have to pay even higher insurance premiums if you're flying because insurance companies can claim that their risks are too great to not up the cost of premiums. If we continue in the same manner, it won't be long before they won't allow luggage on the plane altogether. Soon you'll see countries full of recluse individuals, too scared to fly or too inconvenienced because they can’t even take a tube of chapstick on the plane with them.

What’s my beef? Two things: 1) I'm bowling in the Canadian National Mixed Championship Tournament in Edmonton in April, 2007 and I won't even be able to take my ball cleaner with me. 2) You can’t buy Grey Monk Latitude 50 wine here in Ontario – it’s almost $300.00 to get a case shipped from BC (it’s made in the Okanagan Valley) – and now I can’t even bring it with me on the plane when I’m home to visit my family. You may ask, why not pack the two in your checked luggage? If you've ever had the opportunity to see the way they load the cargo holds on planes, you'll know why I wouldn't even think about it...

In case you want to put me in a mood...

Greetings all - I'm just spending the evening relaxing and watching a little tv, when I realized that I never checked out the bonus footage on the Friends: The Complete 10th Season DVD - so I popped it in and watched some of the gag reels and cast/crew commentary about the show ending. It all got me thinking that there are a lot of shows/movies/music that are guaranteed to stir some sort of emotion in me, so here are my lists of mood-setting media:

Guaranteed to make me cry:
1) Love, Acutally (movie)
2) Series finale of Friends (show)
3) Meet Joe Black (movie)
4) "Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel (song)
5) Shall We Dance? (movie) - recent version

Guaranteed to make me laugh:

1) "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot (song)
2) American Wedding (movie) - especially the scene with Stiffler dancing in the gay bar
3) Family Guy (show) - particularly anytime Peter laughs - it's contageous
4) Taxi (movie)

Guaranteed to make me home-sick:

1) "Who Can It Be Now?" by Men at Work (song) - reminds me of Mom
2) Delerious (movie) - Eddie Murphy's first stand up routine reminds me of hanging out at home with Kim during high school

Some that don't fit into specific categories:

1) "50 Candles" by Boyz II Men (song) - a REAL mood setter
2) Office Space (movie) - when you hate your job
3) Mr. & Mrs. Smith (movie) - when you want to kill your boyfriend/girlfriend, but admit that you ultimately love them
4) Myth Busters (show) - when you want to see if what "they" say is true, but are too scared to try it yourself
5) Fear Factor (show) - when you feel the urge to watch people to INSANE things for very little money

They're hard to see, but they're there...

Ha ha! I caught fish using nothing more than a mesh net and some bread! Sign me up for Survivor – as long as I don’t have to eat or clean the fish it’s all good. Foxy and I went up to Jay and Joanne’s family cottage for the day on Saturday and I was delighted to see little minnows and sunfish in the lake. As I spent good hour or more trying (in vain) to catch these little critters with my bare hands, I quickly realized that they’re a lot smarter than they look so I took a break to regroup. Not only that, but they began to think of me as a snack as they’d swarm around my feet and nip at me, (I only shrieked the first couple of times because I was startled), so I figured I should get out before the bigger ones with teeth made their way toward the shore.

Joanne and I needed to go into town to pick up Bob, so we decided to stop at the little general store on our way back and lo and behold, they had little nets, so we got one for a dollar and off I went with dreams of caught fish in my head.

When we got back to the cottage, I practically jumped out of the car before it’d stopped and ran down to the water, walked in and tried (again in vain) to catch the fish. MAN ARE THEY SMART!!! Lucky for me, I got some valuable fishing advice from Peter who said to take tiny pieces of bread and ball them up so they’ll sink, then put your net under where you’re going to drop them, and as the fish come to eat, bring your net up and voila, you’ve caught a fish. It worked! I caught four and was convinced of my abilities so I let them all go back into the lake to warn all of the other fish of the lady with the big feet, little net and bread.